For the adventure
On this most recent birthday I turned 28 years old. 2-8. 2 years from 30.
“We’ll go ahead and get this warmed up for you.”
And, all in all, it was a great birthday. I spent it with a man I love. I ate a giant fucking steak (which is now a prerequisite for all good days). I got a hug from my mom. I recollected on the past year and felt good about it. I checked Facebook to see all the happy birthday messages (far less than last year and years previous – but all quality wishes). I wondered about next year, next birthday, and then birthday after that. I came up with a list of 5 things I’m looking forward to when it comes to getting older.
Thing I’m looking forward to about getting older #5 – Looking good for my age.
I went to dinner on Thursday night (for the aforementioned giant fucking steak) and the waitress says
“So, do we have a special occasion?”
And my boyfriend says, “It’s her birthday today, actually.”
And the waitress asks a question that never gets asked. ”How old are you today?”
I pause. Did she really just ask my age? Most southern women don’t ask that. But I answer. ”I am 28 years old today.”
“Really?! You don’t look 28!” (my waitress is asian now – fuck you)
You’re goddamn right I don’t look 28. I’ve got genetics on my side, son!
And that’s what I want. I want every woman that ever pulls the crazy stunt of asking my age to immediately regret the decision. I want to explain that I have a Hispanic mom (ethnicity one-up), I wear sunscreen everyday, and I have a round face which always makes people look younger. So I’m looking forward to shocking people when they ask my age the older I get, because chances are, I’ll always look younger than they expect.
“You’re goddamn right I don’t look 95. Gotcha, bitch!” (yep, I’m asian and toothless now – fuck you)
Thing I’m looking forward to about getting older #4 – Talking about things that were around when I was “your age”.
I’m a sucker for history. I still remember when you got charged for the internet by the minute. I remember typing a report on a typewriter in elementary school. Oregon Trail. Popples. Pee-wee’s Playhouse. I love that shit. And now, I can tell you how much I love that shit because I have time on my side, buddy, and you have young ears for listening.
“THIS IS SOME DOPE SHIIIIIITTTTT!”
I, personally, find it sometimes boring when older people tell me about things they liked or places they went because I don’t always understand the context. But I also understand that age gives you the right to bore young people…and I’m cashing in those chips…with a vengeance.
Thing I’m looking forward to about getting older #3 – Hating everything you like.
I don’t understand a lot of what people 5 years younger than me like. 10 years younger, I’m even more lost. And kids? I don’t know anything about what they like. And if getting older has taught me anything it’s that if I don’t understand it, I hate it. I will hate it because it’s new, I will hate it because you like it, I will hate it because you’re younger than me.
Seriously, kill yourself. No, don’t ask, just do it.
I’m too young to be crotchety but there’s a certain anger that springs up from seeing the world liking things without you. New things happening without your input or consent. Things changing that you liked just fine before.
“Mom, you don’t understand, once I go to sleep everyone I like has a party without me. Grab my coat.”
But at least I’m old enough to hate that. Hearing teenagers bitch about new things is like a sapling bitching about seeds – you were JUST THERE. Give it some time.
Thing I’m looking forward to about getting older #2 – Gray hairs.
I have a few of these. My brother has more than a few of these. My dad started going gray when he was in his early 20s. Gray hairs are fun because they embody all of what is cool about being older – with time, who you are grows into something different. I’ve purposely stopped coloring my hair to see the grays come in and have not been disappointed. They’re especially fun because their characteristics are completely different from your other hairs – they’re thicker like some optic cable and stick out in weird ways. They could give a fuck what they look like and don’t care what you do…much like old people.
Thing I’m looking forward to about getting older #1 – Figuring it all out.
I’m not old. I speak of all these things like I am, but I am thankful for the youth I still have. But I’m getting acquainted with the idea that one day I’m going to wake up and I won’t be young anymore. I’ll have wrinkles. My body will be less spry, less springy, less agile, less cooperative. That doesn’t scare me as much as it used to, though it still makes me uneasy at times.
“Greetings, it’s the old age fairy here to bestow tidings of achy joints, saggy skin, and crippling regret. Sleep well.”
But it happens. And while I’m getting older, I’m becoming who I’m supposed to be – the person that was behind all the youthful shenanigans, blunders, and stupidity. The person that needed those things in order to grow. I’m more “me” now than I’ve ever been before. I know who and what I love, I know what I like, I know what can happen, and I’m looking forward to taking the time getting to where I ultimately need to be. Where will I be a year from now? Five? 10?
Not knowing is part of the fun. Happy 28 years, me. You earned them.
This is great. I was clutching my stomach in anguished pangs of laughter ( I have a sensitive tummy) the whole time, but you said something real as well. Maaddd props. I agree on Talking about Things That Were Around. I’m too young to do this, but I still feel the need to look condescendingly upon teenagers, scoff through my nose, and reminisce about that band that was reallll cool in 2002.
Awesome! Thanks so much for checking out my blog! I will look condescendingly upon teenagers until my dying breath.
We are kindred spirits.
Interesting blog. I started panicking about my age when I turned 34, now I am 36 and I am freaking out. I remember the past and wish that I could turn back time and enjoy every moment possible before turning 36.
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This is great! And 28 is nothing, you make it sounds much more serious… happy birthday!!!!
thanks so much for dropping by my blog and the birthday wishes! aren’t you a gem.
I just turned 28 and each year people remark how I couldn’t possibly be that age… How young I look. Last year an Asian woman told me I had a young looking vagina when getting waxed. Yep. Even my vagina looks younger than her real age. Props. Good post.
this. is awesome. last time i got waxed (an indian woman…which i guess is still asian but a different asian…i digress) the woman told me i had “magnificent” hair. i smiled all day.
thanks for checking out my blog!
“Oregon Trail. Popples. Pee-wee’s Playhouse.” F-yeah man! I thought I was the only person that remembered that shit! And what about Alf?
Believe it or not you’re still young. I’m 29 going on 30 this year. I-want-to-die. Never thought I’d ever turn 30. Gag.
Of course I know Gordon Shumway. I wish he didn’t eat cats though.
I’ve already told everyone I know to give me a few hours on my 30th to have a big, dumb, sloppy cry. You should do the same. A dark corner with nothing but “All By Myself” playing. Don’t kill yourself, though. I can’t have that shit on my conscience.
Thanks for checking out my blog! Really appreciate it!
My best birthday was my 40th, and life has gotten continually more fun. Getting old is great. Though I have to admit, I could do without the bi-focal thing.
Bi-focals are lame. But Benjamin Franklin did invent them, so they get cool points for that.
First of all, Happy Birthday! You are one of the few people who look ageing in a very positive way. I have not seen anyone till now who actually find good things about ageing. And I am glad I found one! :) Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
thanks for checking out the blog! there is a lot that is good about aging. there’s also a lot bad. maybe i’ll get in a bad mood and write those other things down, too. go into a good, old-fashioned rage. we’ll see when i’m 30:)
Just remember that you aren’t really “old” until you experience your first real “sleep related injury”. That’s when you go to bed just fine, and wake up with something sprained FOR NO REASON AT ALL.
this is quite a true statement. i haven’t woken up with a sprain, but i have sprained an ankle just getting out of bed. close?
Maybe…
Though waking up and shaking the sleep off could also be on par with a hangover. So maybe not. I suppose the real question would be did you do it with panache?
you know during the olympics in atlanta when that american gymnast girl sprained her ankle, and then still did the vault for the gold medal?
not like that. but so close.
Nice! And you’d have medaled as well, if that East German judge hadn’t taken off points for failing to stick the landing.
Happy Birthday! Looking forward to having a crisis on your 30th? No need to. You can have a crisis on your 100th when all your friends are gone. :) From my own experience – 40: great. 50: better. I think 60 will be YAY!
“you can have a crisis on your 100th when all your friends are gone.”
i honked with laughter.
thanks for checking out my blog!
I would turn 28 this year too! And yes I do somewhat look like a gray haired porcupine. Nice write-up! And belated congratulations on your birthday!
thanks a lot!
Happy Birthday! Looking forward to having a crisis on your 30th? No need to. You can have a crisis on your 100th when all your friends are gone. :) From my own experience – 40: great. 50: better. I think 60 will be YAY!
Copying me comment? How come?
Ooh, typo, Meant ‘my comment’. Copying comments: not a good way of advertising their products, btw.
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Great post! I especially love #4: Talking about things that were around when I was “your age.” I’m close in age to you, and people often look at me like I’m crazy when I reminisce about the ‘good old days’ of dial-up modems, stirrup leggings, and Pogs. I sometimes feel like I’m not old enough to have earned the privilege to ‘look back,’ but I do it anyway because it’s just so darn fun!
my favorite part of stirrup leggings? how the crotch migrated southward and you had to keep pulling your pants up again. i wore those with two tone l.a. gear sneakers and a long shirt with a knot tied in it with my saggy crotch stirrup pants.
i was the coolest thing ever.
I’m 25 and I know what you fell
I recently was carded while buying alcohol, which I found funny because I’m 38. When the checker looked at my ID, she startled and said “Oh wow!” I asked her why the alarm, and her response, “I didn’t think you were THAT old.”
Um. Thanks????
;)
Happy 28 to you. Great post!
hahaha. that’s an awesome story. “um. thanks?” is one of my favorite responses to something like that.
congratulations on the good genes!
Nothing like a good quality laugh at an (age old) process. Love the humor.
Haha awesome story! :D Funny x)
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Hahahah the grey hair part really cracked me up! I’m 19 and I’ve just always had this one literally transparent hair (I don’t think it has anything to do with me getting older, since I don’t seem to be getting more and I’ve always had it *gulp* I hope). When it actually manages to grow out (cause I always pull it out when I spot it again), it always sticks up and in all sorts of directions like it has a mind of its own.
Love this! I get this, as a 28 year-old… something about reaching that point where you become your own best friend. Makes the world an easier place to be when you are. Great post.
“You SERIOUSLY do not look 28!!”
That line always works on the old ladies. You’ll see in a couple of years ;)
Great post!! 30 is not so bad, honest. I’m 30 and still get asked for ID when buying scratch tickets, thumbs up to genetics!! :)
awesome! *genetics high five*
I enjoyed your post, youngster! I’m actually pretty happy being 37 and not at all freaked out about 40. The 30′s have been a good decade so far!
Nice post! The asian waitress must be kidding. I saw your photo in FB and you don’t look like 28. In fact, you look like a 40 year-old whale with a fat ass ;)
thanks. your mom likes all the penises in her and your cat has AIDS.
Nice trolling asshole. Where’s your picture? I’m seeing a dude that looks like the comic book store guy from the Simpsons. Haters gonna hate I guess. Go play with your fleshlight.
Also, don’t forget to play “Stick your penis in random objects and tell all your ‘friends’ you got laid”.
Huzzah for round faces! I’m 33 and I still get carded, and I just say thank you every time.
We’ll gloss over the fact that I had to make the effort to remember how old I am and focus on the positive!
I loved 5 – 3 and identified intensely with 1 and 2, but I’ve been told I’m a little too into getting old. Here’s to grey hairs and feeling more comfortable in your own, eventually saggy skin.
I’m glad I’m not the only one pulling thick grey hairs out of my head at 28. I’m in a slightly different boat as I got a head start on aging by spending three years in Iraq, but I think about a lot of the stuff you mentioned here almost on a daily basis. Great post and a funny read.
Congrats on being freshly pressed!!!
I could relate a lot with this post, I turned 28 in April, a part of me is still freaked out and the other part has been embracing EVERYTHING. It’s a bit weird but I feel I am in between the old and the young.
As for the young, I’ve been there and I have grown so tolerant of them, beats my imagination! (Once upon a time I wished teenagers did not exist, if only they could go from 10 to 21!).
As for the old, I never used to contemplate going all wrinkled before but now I do, I’m bracing myself for it. No matter how much I love that song ‘Young Forever’, I know I will not be forever young.
Can definitely relate to this post. Also, can’t wait until I reach the point when people stop asking me my age. When does it start being inappropriate?
Figuring it all out?? Yeah, that’s what my friends and I thought when we were 28, too. Guess what – we’re a couple of decades older, and most of us still don’t have a clue (well, maybe about some things). Getting older is about realizing and accepting that, no matter how old you get, you’ll never quite have it figured out. But I won’t say it isn’t fun trying!
Funny post – congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
This was well written–I enjoyed it.
I have to say, however, that I only started contemplating my age when I turned 29.5, and I spent half a year thinking, “Oh shit, I’m turning 30!” And then, when I turned 30, I thought, “Oh shit, I’m 30!” But now that I’m a few months from turning 31, I merely think, “Whatever, it’s 31. I’ll freak out again when I’m 39.5.”
(Though I’m secretly expecting to lose it around 35…)
But again, well said.
Happy belated birthday! Mine is in 2 days and since i really liked what you said, i’m going to borrow all your good points on getting older. Although, I’m much older than you and haven’t come to appreciate my gray hairs!
I’m 31. And I have no gray hairs (yet) :P And I didn’t freak out when I turned 28, or 30…I did when I turned 31 LOL Maybe I was so socked at 30 that I only really realized what it meant at 31 ;) hahahhaha Anyways, everyone knows it’s physically all downhill once you’re past 18, and mentally, intellectually and spiritually uphill from 25 onwards :) Good thing we don’t work as top models ;) Actually for my profession (= teacher) one more day means one more day of experiences, so, the older, the better (until the day you start to get senile, of course :P).
Reblogged this on Fiore Rougee comentado:
:) …e ela só tem 28, hein, imaginem quando for mais velha ;)
I love that fairy picture it’s hilarious! This makes me feel better about getting older!
Caulk the wagon and float? Love it.
Two years from thirty… The good old days…
The Asian lady at my local China Buffet says, every fucking time, “You too young for that kid!” Don’t chastise me! I’m 28! He’s not 17, he’s 5! I would say it’s a compliment but she scolds me. I wanna be like, “Well kid you better crawl back into my uterus until I’m damn well ready for you, see ya in five years.” I wonder what she would say….hmmmmm. Great post!
This is great. I Love the section about reminicing on stuff that used to be cool. I’m 22 and do this now. Lord only knows how bad it could get with age lol.
Happy Birthday! I’ll be 28 in a couple months so I guess we’re age buddies. No panic on the horizon yet, though as per normal my family wants me to “move on” faster than I do… “Where are our grandchildren?!” (>_<) It's all an adventure!
I just 24, but I’m really a teenager at heart and probably look will look 18 til I’m 40. Genetics, being Asian or whatever is awesome. I hate when people go “you’re to old to do that”.
great post. LMFAO
So I’m from a generation where great music was Deep Purple and Queen. Jon Lord just died and Brian May is 65 today. Phil Lynott and Rory Gallagher and Freddie Mercury died YEARS ago!
Where are the ten minute drum solos I used to hate?
Yep, age sucks.
To quote Jack Benny – I have ties older than you.
Loved your Blog though! :-)
I am 64 1/2. I am proud to say I have never dated nor did I marry any woman who had the dirty mouth you have. A woman you are; a lady you are not.
This just cracks me up and made my day. Laughtrip! Thanks much for lightening my day from a stressful work. :D
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I was 28 when I was your age! its was a good year, as has been every year since – age is just a number and means nothing – I’ll be older this birthday, much much older and I love it!!
Love it! I’m 45 and get told I look too young to have a 24 year-0ld! Are we related? LOL
This is old?! I turned 55 (what the fuck?!) in June…and blogged about the shock value of now being the same number as a speed limit.
But, yes, good genes help. People with decent eyesight in full daylight still mistake me for someone 10 to 15 years younger.
28?? Gurl, you gotta a long way to go before you’re old…but you got the attitude down pat and you’ll have it honed to perfection by the time you’re…ahem…50.
And the one thing you’ll hate hearing is…”50? Wow! You look great…for your age?”
For my age…WTF. What the hell is 50 supposed to look like? A toothless wonder driving around on a Mart Cart?
So you got like 2 more years of life left and then you drop dead. Thats kinda cool. You gonna bungee jump on the 30th so that you die while falling or wha
Happy birthday!! I hope your coming years are full of many laughs and joys that weren’t even a part of your previous years.
Oh, btw you had me a little scared when I first saw the coffin pic. Glad you’re not there yet.
Haha, this is fantastic! It took me a little longer to love getting older but I had an OMG-I’m-practically-old crisis at 30, realised I’d been living my life half-arsed and promtly started a PhD. The best bit about not being young is figuring out how easy it is to be fearless. Happy 28th birthday! It just gets weirder and more awesome from here on in.
Loved it… 28 kicked my ass as well i didn’t recover until 31 now im over it… I just stopped counting after 40, this year will be my 12th annual 40th birthday. Enjoy the steaks in life and Happy Birthday
“Oregon Trail. Popples. Pee-wee’s Playhouse. I love that shit.”
YES! To ALL of the above!! I had a bit of a freak out when I turned 25 this year. Seriously, where does all this time go?
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I had a quarter-life-crisis freak-out when I turned 27. I was squarely planted in the late 20s, couldn’t pass for early 20s and was only 3 years from 30. Bye-bye youth. To deal, I changed my whole life. Now I’m 44 and 27 was still the only difficult birthday! The 30s were better, 40s so far even better. It helps that like you, I’ve always looked much younger. If you have that quality, it sticks with you. I still get carded sometimes though it’s getting rarer. Oh well. At this age, I don’t care anymore. That’s the great thing about getting older. Unless you’re Madonna or Nicole Kidman … clearly they have problems with their age!
Also I hope the steaks get bigger every year!! :)
Good set of reasons to like getting older. You forgot to add the one about getting a life. Old dudes got the way they are by doing things when they were younger.
I’m 47 and therefore qualified to force unwelcome experience-based predictions on younger people. (You get that at 45; it’s compensation for being so close to half a freaking century.) I confidently predict that you will not figure it all out but will be fine with that by the time it doesn’t happen.
OREGON TRAIL!!!!!! some people will just never understand what it means to break an axle and have ur oxen drown forging the river… haha great post, and a happy birthday to you!