Archive for November, 2012


I don’t know if you get good reception at the rock you live under, but just in case you don’t, we had a big election last week.  And I don’t know what way you lean, politically, but you’ll know how I do in just a sec.

Spoiler, I lean back. Here’s how.

Here are the key points:

1.  Obama won.

2.  Romney lost.

3.  Conservatives everywhere threatened to move to Australia due to this great injustice.

4.  Aussies everywhere laughed and laughed, since they have an atheist, female prime minister, something conservatives didn’t consider.

5.  Ted Nugent and Donald Trump lost their shit.

Know those things, and you’ll be a hit at any party.

“yeah yeah, tell us more. And bring treats!”

So, in the great hopes of alienating my conservative readers (though I don’t think there’s many of you), here’s why I voted for Obama and why you should have too.

1.  Healthcare

I’ve been fortunate in my life that I’ve never had any kind of medical calamity.  I’ve never broken anything, I’ve never spent more than a few hours at a hospital, and I’ve never had an infection that medicine couldn’t fix.

Yeah, you gonna die.

I also have this crazy belief that major illnesses shouldn’t bankrupt you and your entire family and that people who are really sick should be able to get the help they need.  And better yet, let’s cut down on emergency room freak outs by making sure people have access to doctors even when they’re not sick – you know, check ups.  Those things rich people do.

In theory, you should just go out and get insurance, right?  Yeah, just pluck it from the insurance tree and cuddle it forever.  But insurance doesn’t work that way.  It can be quite expensive, especially if you work for an employer that doesn’t offer health plans or if you’re unemployed.  Or hell, even if you’re self-employed and doing well.  And then there are pre-existing conditions to contend with, arguing with companies over what they should pay and what your share is, arguing with companies about paperwork, trying to find a doctor in your network, getting bills weeks later from some lab that did important blood work for you that your insurance company only paid $2 toward.  The system, as it is now, doesn’t work for regular people.  It needs to be fixed.  And anyone that’s sick should be able to get an acceptable level of care – not “no care”.

Obamacare isn’t perfect, but it’s a start.  And anyone who doesn’t believe that everyone should have access to doctors is a royal dick.  Yes.  And there are lots of other issues – taxes, laws, finding ways to seamlessly implement, how to make a system where governmental healthcare and private healthcare can coexist (for now) – but Obama at least has this issue on the table.  He makes it a priority.  Republicans don’t.

2.  Equality

I honestly don’t even know why this is an issue at all.  I couldn’t care less who gets married, unless they’re my friends or family.  I don’t know why other people care, either.  “Oh, but marriage is between one man and one woman!”  According to who?  Oh, some defense of marriage thing?  That’s great.  You know who else couldn’t get married, once upon a time?  White people and black people. And I think all of us with rational brains can agree that was a poor choice.

Where the white women at?

“Oh, but once you let gays marry, then we open the flood gates for people to marry multiple people, or their pets, the humanity!”  Fine, let them!  I don’t give a fuck.  Marry three people, marry your cat Mr. Jingles, marry a surfboard.  Two guys or two gals marrying each other is so low on my totem pole of priorities that it disappoints me conservatives place it so high on theirs.

People of the same sex love each other sometimes.  With this love comes the idea that they might want to get married and have the benefits that married couples have.  The “sanctity of marriage” bullshit that anti- equality people tout makes me laugh.  Divorces, quickie weddings, adultery, marrying for green cards, marrying for money, and multi-million dollar weddings have already stripped away whatever sanctity you think marriage has.

Here’s everything you need to know about why conservatives don’t believe in gay marriage:

They think it’s icky when the penises touch.

3.  It’s the economy, stupid.

The Republican party had a very clear objective after Obama won the first time, and that was to make him a one-term president.  That was their goal.  Before the man signed a single bill they already had plans to block him at every turn.  Here are a list of job bills blocked by Republicans in Congress since Obama took office:

The Bring Jobs Home Act

Small Business Jobs and Tax Relief Act

Veterans’ Job Bill

American Jobs Act

And then they say, “Mr. President, you’re not creating jobs.”  Fail.

The GOP, in my opinion, sold out the American worker out of their hatred for the President.  And that is incredibly wrong.  The fact that we didn’t sink into a deeper Depression amazes me.  We don’t have the sort of progress I would have liked to have seen by now, but I don’t place the blame for that squarely on Obama’s shoulders.  We have representatives in Congress that don’t look out for our best interests, they let their hatred get in the way of doing their jobs – which is making jobs.

I like Obama’s ideas.  I want him to continue his work, and now that he doesn’t have to worry about campaigning for another term, I want him to take Congress to task and get things done.  I believe in his economic vision.  I want him to be able to follow through on it.  I want Republicans to work with him, even if it’s not the popular thing to do.  And if they don’t want to cooperate, I want him to railroad them.

4.  Women

If I hear one more politician talk about rape, I’m gonna scream.  The insensitivity to women by the GOP this election cycle really upset me.  Women’s issues are important.  Allowing women control over their bodies is good for everyone.  Making the start of a family in a constructive, responsible way is good for everyone.  Making it so that women can have low-income mammograms at their local Planned Parenthood is good for everyone.

The GOP isn’t pro-life, they’re pro-birth.  Have your baby, don’t kill it, but don’t expect any help in raising that baby.  We don’t want you to end your pregnancy because it’s wrong, but you living in poverty and unable to properly educate or provide for that baby isn’t that wrong.

If you don’t want contraceptives or abortions to happen, then support the women that have babies.  You want them to keep those babies, so now you should be responsible for providing for those babies.  But they don’t want that either.  So how’s this:

GOP, stay out of my uterus.  Thanks.

So yeah, that’s it.  Here’s to another 4 years.  I hope we can do a lot of good things together.  And if you don’t like it, move to Australia.