Let’s Get Lost
At many points in our lives, unconsciously or not, we lose our way and lose sight of things that are important. We get caught up in being caught up, we abandon things we like for things we deem more necessary, or more urgent, or more easy. I’ve lived an entire adulthood bouncing from one thing to the next. It’s no wonder that I build a blog and then abandon it. Or become comedian and then let that grow weeds. It’s a part of my nature to do these things. The act of not doing is what I do best.
A brief history of my comedy career, as I see it:
There were moments where it was fun. There were moments where it was exhilarating. But, ultimately, the life of a stand up comedian was not for me. What I thought it was, and what it actually is, is not at all what I thought it was.
There’s an innate craving for attention and adoration that gets people into comedy in the first place. Anybody who goes on stage has that desire. But comedy isn’t the scholarly pursuit you think it is. Sure, writing material is something you do alone that tests you, but being a successful comic has way more to do with who you schmooze with, who you know, who you get high with, who you sleep (or don’t sleep) with, than you could imagine. And I’ve never been that person. And I don’t love comedy enough to become that person.
So that’s it, really. I fulfilled a lifelong dream of saying that I was a stand up comic. I tried it out and decided it wasn’t for me. I’m at peace with that. I may decide one day to come back to it. I might write something that can only be truly appreciated on a stage in front of drunk people. And if that happens, I’ll do it.
But trying it out is always the most important thing. I’m not going to wake up when I’m 60 and remember my wild days as a 27 year old – wondering what if I’d tried it – why didn’t I try it – why didn’t I do it when I could?
Don’t worry, 50 year old me, you did.
And now that I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m not doing that thing, I’m on to the next thing – whatever that is. That’s always the part that gets me – figuring out what I’m supposed to do now.
I’m writing more short stories. I’m trying to get involved in local writing clubs here in Atlanta. I’m building myself up to try something new. I’ve been dormant long enough, I suppose.
But getting lost, it seems, can also be an end in itself.